American Idiot

This is a story written by an actual fourth-grader. An excellent read for anyone who has utilized public ridicule and humiliation as a catalyst on their journey to self-discovery and actualization. ("Wait, wait...tell us more about this ham!")



American Idiot
by Thomas Chappell


Hello, my name is Jack O’ Diamond and I’m about to tell you a story that was not good and was not bad. The only thing it was, is that it was very unexpected and I’m going to tell you starting now.

One beautiful sunny morning on Lansing Switch Road, a boy named Jack (that’s me) is about to celebrate his 7th birthday at a wonderful place called Chuck E. Cheese’s. His mom, dad, and sister were happily humming “Yankee Doodle” to themselves while I was playing my Gameboy Advance. I love the color of my Gameboy. It’s clear purple where you can see all the gadgets in it. Like, whenever I press a button, the 3 like buttons go down-- enough about m y Gameboy, time to get back to the story.

We were happy once we got there and saw all the games they had. They had this big, clear, yellow ball that you sit in and then you choose any roller coaster and when you start, the ball starts moving.

So the person delivered our pizza. We had ordered a supreme. Then, all of a sudden, a huge mouse appeared right in my face. I felt a jolt of fear in my mind. He pulled me up on stage and said, “Everybody, watch us--we’re going to do karaoke!” I was thinking, what does this overgrown rat think he’s doing with me? Everybody started laughing and throwing food at me. Standing on a stage with a rat is bad and good, but mostly unexpected!