Jeremy: American Erkel

jeremy, son of arkansas
jeremy, mama's boy
jeremy, always believed in santa clause
jeremy, born missing a chromosome and sent back to the hospital
jeremy, drove a sentry
jeremy, ate tuna on toast when there wasn’t any jam
jeremy, was a fan of back to the future, indiana jones, and even had some toilet paper Speilberg wiped his ass with
jeremy, was the most famous boy to ever wield a coat rack
jeremy, lived down the street
jeremy, liked to play paperboy on nintendo
jeremy, had a dog named checkers before anyone
jeremy, wore a cape at his kindergarten graduation and spit on the principal when he conferred his diploma
jeremy, was a member of the burger king kid’s club
jeremy, wore a candy necklace made by a girl he liked
jeremy, ran naked in the sprinkler to the dismay of his grandparents
jeremy, was macho, but threw like a girl
jeremy, was not a big eater
jeremy, was polite in every way
jeremy, still wears briefs
jeremy, hates master chief
jeremy, dyed his hair black to look like mario
jeremy, held a baseball bat the way his hero will clark did
jeremy, dressed in black pajamas before other kids did
jeremy, sang black except in lower registers where he was a pupil of prince
jeremy, admired kent hrbeck
jeremy, loved the upside down question mark
jeremy, delivered the world from mustard
jeremy, loved mustard but now mayo
jeremy, had a voice that could explain the homosexuality of america
jeremy, was influenced by the teenage mutant ninja turtles when he maimed a neighbor kid with a stick
jeremy, made fun of the beatles
jeremy, achieved world communication from a small town
jeremy, was a fan of myth II: soulblighter
jeremy, had clinton-like potential
jeremy, was made by technology, so he could love tech later
jeremy, had bed-wetting issues
jeremy, was a boy, a girl, and androgynous
jeremy, laughed his heart out at the end
jeremy, likes ny but thinks la is gay
jeremy, vomited after eating a payday
jeremy, the toon
jeremy, the car toon
jeremy, loved russia, jacks, captain kangaroo, fireworks, tiny toons, the office of district 5 commissioner, pop rocks, over the counter drugs, hot wheels, family feud,star trek the next generation, bazooka joe, jay walkin’, dirty talkin' jeopardy!, sandwiches, and marvel comics
jeremy, ain't gonna stop
jeremy, in a ice cream shop
jeremy, didn't hear the shot but lost a bet on the 97 superbowl
jeremy, dessert-style tacos
jeremy, dessert-style nachos
jeremy, had a lot, always dribbled but never shot
jeremy, when he eats looks like a frog
jeremy, almost got his ass chewed off by a dog
jeremy, hates bumper stickers
jeremy, loves his snickers
jeremy, the white nigger woke up and saw he wasn’t getting bigger
jeremy, played the harp
jeremy, the battle to be sharp
jeremy, hates eskimos
jeremy, faked out steve’s dog with a cheeto
jeremy, didn’t even give it to him
jeremy, ate jack in the box before jack ate him
jeremy, supertramp
jeremy, likes his lamp
jeremy, khaki pants
jeremy, pink elephants
jeremy, the potter fan
jeremy, don't mean **** to micheal mann
jeremy, had 13 jack heads on a single antennae
jeremy, on the slip ‘n slide
jeremy, made my sister his bride
jeremy, timberlake
jeremy, stahlin
jeremy, hasslehoff
jeremy, superman
jeremy, clinton
jeremy, batman
jeremy, schwarzenegger
jeremy, spears
jeremy, forgive me
jeremy, play halo with me
jeremy, alan butler (September 25, 1980-present)

happy birthday, jeremy
it’s not everyday yer young man turns twenty-four now, is it?