Is it Really Ironic, Alanis?

Ironic, as do most songs by Alanis Morisette, really gets on my nerves. Am I mentioning this 13 years too late?

Perhaps.

Her songs have always bugged me, so I conditioned myself a long time ago to tune out, if you will, when her shrill nasal voice rang out over the airwaves. Subliminally, however, the lyrics to a few of her songs become background noise, and eventually background knowledge to me. So when I stopped to think about it the last time I heard Ironic, it upset me even more how 100% of the lyrics to the song do not classify as being ironic. Let's take this one step further though, shall we? Then you'll see why a more appropriate title for this song would have been A Series of Unfortunate Events.

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"An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day..."

As tragic as this little scenario seems, not ironic in the least. Unfortunate? Yes, but not ironic. Given his age, the geezer was a little overdue for a visit from Mr. G. Reaper by today's standards. And she doesn't clarify, but his dying may have somehow been a direct result of winning the lottery, like having a heart attack when he realized how much money he'd won, in which case, it's not only not ironic, it's not even a coincidence.

"It's a black fly in your Chardonnay..."

If it's possible, this is even less ironic than the first line. First of all, not to be too technical, but most flies are black. So that description, countering the fact it landed in a white wine, means absolutely nothing. The walls in my house are white, if the fly landed there would that also classify as being ironic? Hmmm?


"It's a death row pardon two minutes too late..."

Again, merely an unfortunate coincident. Perhaps the emergency prison phone line was tied up.

"It's like rain on your wedding day..."

Given the amount of times weddings are rained on per year in the United States, I'm sure you'd just be feeding on the low end of probability here.

"It's a free ride when you've already paid..."

This concept is just completely ridiculous, especially when you consider the fact that, in life, there are only two kinds of rides: ones you pay for and ones that are free.

"It's the good advice that you just didn't take..."

Huh? Not only is this not ironic, its also not a coincidence and not necessarily even unfortunate. Just because one does not "just take" good advice, doesn't mean an undesirable outcome will occur. I'm sure plenty of people have profited on risky ventures by ignoring the "good" advice of others.

"Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids good-bye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
'Well isn't this nice...'"

It's not clear here why someone who is afraid to fly would "wait [their] whole damn life to take [a] flight," but we may assume that said flight was probably the first of his entire life. This, by far, has the closest resemblance of irony in it, even though it doesn't technically seem to be and falls more under the classification of extreme coincidence. Furthermore, the information about him packing his suitcase, kissing his kids goodbye, and thinking 'well isn't this nice," do not add to the attempted irony of this statement.

"It's a traffic jam when you're already late..."

I'm not sure I can think of a single instance that is less ironic than this. Really, Alanis.

"It's a no-smoking sign on your cigarette break..."

I'm sure there are plenty of other places the smokers can find to light up.

"It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife..."

I personally know this to be Jasien's favorite lyric of any song of all time. First of all, in what culinary situation would you be, in which you would be surrounded by 10,000 spoons? Not ironic, just stupid.

"It's meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife..."

?

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Editor's Note: As per my usual blog writing routine, I write a draft, then consult sources for reference. None too surprising, it turns out that the misuse of Alanis Morrissette's concept of irony has been the ongoing source of many debates. Under Wikipedia's entry for irony, there is a specific paragraph dedicated to this song. It also references a very funny stand-up bit by Ed Byrne, which almost mimics this post, but I did not consult these sources until the above had already been written. Thank you and good evening.