Lisa: Mom!
Homer: Huh? Lisa, what's up?
Lisa: I just had a bad dream.
Homer: Ah, sure. You just lie down and tell me all about it.
Lisa: Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the Boogie Man was after me, and he's hiding in the —
Homer: AUGGH!! Boogie Man! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!
[From episode 1F08, "$pringfield (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Leaglized Gambling)"]
Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip.
Homer: Heh heh... you don't have a son.
[From episode 1F06, "Boy-Scoutz 'N the Hood"]
Homer: You broke a promise to your child.
Marge: What?
Homer: You promised Lisa to help her with her costume. You made her cry. Then I cried. Then Maggie laughed....she's such a little trooper!
[From episode 1F08, "$pringfield (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Leaglized Gambling)"]
[Homer yells and waves his cowboy hat, a la Major T.J. Kong (Slim Pickens) in "Dr. Strangelove"]
[From episode 1F09, "Homer the Vigilante"]
Homer: Marge, I want you to admit you have a gambling problem.
Marge: You know, you're right, Homer. Maybe I should get some professional help.
Homer: No, no. That's too expensive. Just don't do it anymore.
[From episode 1F08, "$pringfield (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Leaglized Gambling)"]
Lisa: Mom, Bart's making faces!
Marge: Stop that, Bart. Homer, speak to him.
[Homer is busy making faces at Snowball II and Santa's Little Helper]
Homer: Heh heh... stupid animals.
[From episode 1F06, "Boy-Scoutz 'N the Hood"]
Bart: Okay, look, I made a terrible mistake. I wandered into a Junior Camper recruitment center, but what's done is done. I've made my bed and now I've got to weasel out of it.
Marge: I know you think the Junior Campers are square and "uncool," but they also do a lot of neat things like sing-a-longs and flag ceremonies.
Homer: Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals....except the weasel.
[From episode 1F06, "Boy-Scoutz 'N the Hood"]
Marge: What happened here?
Homer: Oh, nothing Marge. Just a little incident involving the Boogie Man!
[From episode 1F08, "$pringfield (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Leaglized Gambling)"]
Kent Brockman: Mr. Simpson, how do you respond to the charge that petty vandalism such as graffiti is down 80%, while heavy sack beatings are up a shocking 900%?
[From episode 1F09, "Homer the Vigilante"]
Bart: Pipe down, sister. I got to book a new act for tonight. It turns out that Liza Minnelli impersonator was really Liza Minnelli. [Burns-esque shudder]
[From episode 1F08, "$pringfield (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Leaglized Gambling)"]
Rescue Worker: Homer, are you just holding onto the cans?
Homer: Your point being?
[From episode 1F03, "Marge on the Lam"]
Flanders: A rescue plane, get the flaregun!
Homer: This ain't one of your church picnic flaregun firin's, Flanders! This is the real thing!
[From episode 1F06, "Boy-Scoutz 'N the Hood"]
Homer: Marge! Marge! Look, Marge, I'm sorry I haven't been a better husband. I'm sorry about the time I tried to make gravy in the bathtub. I'm sorry I used your wedding dress to wax the car, and I'm sorry—oh well, let's just say I'm sorry for the whole marriage up to this point...
[From episode 1F03, "Marge on the Lam"]
1 comment:
Lisa: I'm not a state, I'm a monster!
Homer: No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!
Homer: Marge, we need to talk. You're spending too much time at the casino and I think you may have a problem.
Marge: I won sixty dollars last night.
Homer: Woohoo! Problem solved!
"ioyyceb"
"In Oregon, yaks yank cars entering barns."
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